This was our wedding day. Nine years ago today. And since my husband was one of my greatest "resources" after our baby died, it seems like the perfect photo for today. At that time, we did not know anyone who had gone through what we were going through. Our parents were very supportive. We have a large circle of very close friends who were also there for us and I appreciate my family and friends so much. I will never forget the people who sent us food and flowers, the ones who said the right thing, the ones who remembered the first anniversary. But we still felt isolated and lonely. Maybe that's an inevitable part of grieving, I don't know. But Greg was going through it with me. Which isn't to say we have had the same grief journey. But it happened to both of us and we went through a lot of the grieving together. When we went to kid parties he understood how hard it was. When someone made a (unintentionally) dumb remark, he felt a knife in his heart too. He was my greatest comfort and support in those initial months. I really think it brought us closer.
The only other resources I found were online. I found Mel's list of bloggers and it opened me up to the world of blogging. I found women who had lost babies. A few who had babies with anencephaly. And had trouble getting pregnant. People like me. It made me feel so much less alone. The first night I found the list I think I read for three hours straight. Thank God I found that list.
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