Monday, October 13, 2014

Capture Your Grief - Catching Up!!

Well, I've fallen behind again.  If I was just doing this on Instagram or Facebook, I feel like I would do a better job of just posting daily.  Instead, I'm trying to pick the "perfect" photo, write something every day...and life just gets busy.  Why am In to posting it to social media?  I'm not sure.  I've kept my grief journey largely private.  And sometimes social media doesn't feel like the place for me to talk about it.  And I don;t say that as judgement on anyone else who uses it.  I appreciate seeing posts from people about it.  I love this project that Carley Marie is doing and I love looking at other people's posts.  It's just hard for me to do it.

Day 11 - Altar
I don't have an altar honoring my baby.  I have my tree and I have a blue stone heart next to my bed.  And that feels like enough for me.

Day 12 - Music

Day 13 - Season
The season I associate with my baby is the end of winter/beginning of spring.  That is when we lost her - March 7.  Here in California, the beginning of March can feel like spring.  Its when my tree sprouts.  Its when some flowers start blooming.  There can be days of cold and rain and a gorgeous, warm, sunny day the next.  Even now, seven years later, March 7 is a sad day for me.  I feel a little more tired, a little quiet.

This was our gorgeous jasmine plant at our old house - the house we lived in when we lost the baby.  When it bloomed you could smell it a half a block away.  I took this picture at the beginning of April in 2009.  We were doing our third round of IUI with injectables and I was feeling tired, discouraged, angry.  But not his day, the sun was shining, the jasmine was blooming and I felt happy for a moment and hopeful.  And that was the month we got pregnant with Finn.

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