....for my hysterectomy. Woo hoo!
Let's do this by the numbers. Maybe that will help me focus and be able to finish this post before Finn wakes up from his nap.
18: the date in December that I will have my uterus removed
5000: dollars, that is. That's my medical insurance out-of-pocket max for the year which I have already reached. If the surgery had not been scheduled in 2012, I would have had to shell out another $5000 for the hysterectomy. But my doctor, who is fucking awesome, agreed to do the surgery on the 18th even though she originally told me that December 17th was her absolute last day of availability for the year.
2: the number of doctors who will perform the surgery. One is my regular OB. She did my hysteroscopy in May. When the topic of MORE surgery came up, I asked her about a second opinion and someone who is more of a specialist. She referred me to a urogynecologist. The two of them are going to do robotic laparoscopic surgery on me.
6: the number of weeks that it will take for me to fully recover. My doctor doesn't want me to do any heavy lifting during this time. Gah. Does picking up an almost three year old count?
6: this is also the number of weeks I have to train my son to sleep in a big boy bed and to get in and out of the car by himself. I am NOT forcing the potty training thing. I figure if it happens, it happens. And if it doesn't, I'll change him on his new bed (that we need to buy). We can potty train him after I heal.
137: the number of doctors who have seen my vagina. Okay, I made this number up. But between infertility and all the problems I've had in the last 3 years, it feels like a conservative estimate. I really hope that after this procedure I can go back to being more normal - one doctor, once a year gets to see my hoohaw and that's it. Its kinda funny though. I've become totally desensitized to it. I'll go see a new doctor or ultrasound tech and they'll be so kind and careful and I'm ripping off my tearaway sweats and putting my legs up in the stirrups, saying "Alrighty, let's go doc."
4 or 5: the number of months pregnant I currently look. And I am obviously NOT pregnant or I'm pretty sure they would not perform a hysterectomy on me next month. But man am I bloated and in pain again. This is the worst I've felt in over a year. Maybe my body or the Universe is trying to tell me - "Do it! Have the surgery! You've tried so many other things that haven't worked! Now its time to try this." PLEASE let this hysterectomy help me feel better.
Alright, that's all I have time for. There's more to write and more to process another day. For example, how I feel about absolutely never being able to get pregnant again. I already pretty much knew this, but this sure makes it FOR SURE. And I would imagine that when I'm laying around feeling like shit, it will be really easy to feel very sad about it. Or how I'm pretty terrified of having surgery again. What if something bad happens? What if it doesn't work? What if it makes things worse?
But maybe it will help me feel better.