Sunday, January 27, 2013

2012 Recap

Okay so this is the recap I did last year that I stole from another blog.  I realize its almost the end of January.....but it's taken me five tries over the course of the past month to get this post written.  I'm just glad I finished it!

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Ate raw lamb - at Morimoto's in Napa.  It was fekkin DELICIOUS.
Had a girl's weekend away - with some of my absolute BEST friends.  Best weekend I've had in years, if not ever.
Went to preschool - well it's one day a week, I go with him program.  But he gets to play with other kids and I get to hang out with some cool moms.
*After reading this back, I decided that I am STILL a boring person and I need to do more exciting new things in 2013.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Here's my resolutions from last year:

1. Blog/journal more.  Ummmm, no.  And its on my list AGAIN for this year.  You've heard of "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?" Well, one of these years I am actually going to write more.  Or I'll stop making it my resolution.

2. Spend more quality time with my husband. Ummmm, no.  Its on my list again this year too.  But I ask you, what parents of young children get to spend LOTS of quality time together?  Please don't say most or I will feel worse about myself.  I feel like this is a stage of life we just have to get through.  We also have to be better at making time for US, but I think that will get easier as Finn gets older.

3. Come to a decision about adopting a baby. Ummm, no.

4. Live in the moment. Be present.  Yes!!!!  I was MUCH better at this.

So basically I sucked at my new year's resolutions.  Good job Leah.  Will I make new one's for 2013?  I don't think so.  Instead, I think I will make a list of small, specific things I'd like to do or accomplish this year.  I love making lists and I love crossing things off my list.  So if I make a (short) list of things I'd like to accomplish this year, it seems more likely that I will actually DO them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.  Max and Betsy.  

Max was my cat of almost 20 years.  I got him when I was a sophomore in college.  He was my right hand man for a very long time.  After he was gone, I sat and thought about that great little kitty and how long he was in my life.  He was with me in college.  He was with me when I moved to Monterey and got married for the first time.  He was with me when I got divorced and was back on my own again.  He was with me when I moved in with G$, when we got married, when we lost the baby, when we had Finn.  He was a good ol' kitty.  And crazy as can be (quirky from the start, but legitimately crazy at the end).  I will think of him every time I open a can of tuna, still partly expecting him to come running from wherever he was in the world, to meow and rub against my legs waiting for me to let him lick the can.

Betsy was my best friend's mom.  She was one of my "other moms." I have 3 other moms.  The moms of my oldest and closest friends.  Ladies who watched me grow up - who HELPED me grow up.  Cooked me dinner, took me on vacation, were present at all the major milestones - birthdays, proms, graduations, weddings, baby showers.  She was a huge part of my life.  And one great lady.  I sort of still can't believe that she's gone.  And the pain my friend is going through?  Brutal.  I just can't imagine losing my mom.  I'm not ready for that.  Two other close friends lost their moms last year too.  I guess it's just the stage of life we are in.  Our parents are getting OLD.  Wow.
5. What countries did you visit?
None!!!  We didn't travel much at all actually.  We went camping twice.  And I think that's it.  Yikes.  But we recently booked a trip to Hawaii.  I haven't been since college and G$'s never been.  I cannot wait!  The thought of warm weather, beautiful beaches, fresh fish, pina coladas (okay, I don't like pina coladas, but it sounds so tropical) and time to relax sounds SO GOOD.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
A night away with my husband.  

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 7 - the day Betsy died.  December 19 - my hysterectomy

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

The short sale

9. What was your biggest failure?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well, "illness or injury" isn't quite accurate.  But I have continued to deal with chronic pain since my c-section. Long story short, I had severe scarring - inside my uterus and out.  My hysterectomy was the first time a doctor has actually been in there and able to see what was really going on.  Turns out my uterus was stuck to my bladder and my abdominal wall.  Like seriously stuck.  Which caused all sorts of problems.  So they took out my uterus and cut down the adhesions.  And hopefully I will live pain-freely ever after.  The jury is still out by the way.  Its been almost 6 weeks since my surgery.  Can't tell yet if I'm cured....

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I signed up for a organic produce box delivery and I love it.  The stuff tastes GREAT and it forces me to try new things.  Santa brought Finn a trampoline and that will help me survive the winter.  I bought some really cool boots.  Which I haven't even worn yet....
12. Where did most of your money go?
For two years in a row.....the mortgage.  But this year its the mortgage/rent since we are no longer home owners.  We also spent quite a bit on medical bills.

13. What did you get really excited about?
The short sale.  The girls weekend for my friend's 40th birthday.  My hysterectomy.  

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
God, the first thing that comes to mind is Gangnam Style.  Finn friggin LOVES that song.  He'll say, "Put Hey Sexy Lady on!"  And he'll dance and dance and run around the house.  Home by Phillip Phillips is another.  I mean, it's totally overplayed and really bother me that the guy's last name is the plural of his first name, but I just love that song.  It reminds of the Olympics (I love the Olympics!!!) and it reminds me of Greg.  Even if we have just gotten into an argument or he's driving me crazy in some way, if that song comes on, I think of him and smile and remember how much i love him.  He is my home.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? Hmmm, probably about the same.
– thinner or fatter?  the same, but with more muscles.  And I hate to be vain, but I love it!  I've never really had defined muscles and now my arms are pretty awesome.  Well, not right NOW, I haven't been able to do Zumba for two months, but they WERE looking good and they will again. 
– richer or poorer? We have about the the same amount of money in our bank accounts but I'll say we're richer because we no longer own a house that is worth $200,000 less than the mortgage.  Having that weight off our shoulders feels good.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

More writing, more dates with G$, read more books.  Pretty much the same list as last year.  I'm starting to get depressed.  I've got to moving on these things.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Watched less TV, worried less about crazy stuff

18. How did you spend Christmas?
Laying down and popping pills.  My surgery was on the 19th so I was still feeling pretty shitty on Christmas.  But it was still wonderful.  I love the holidays!  My brother and sister-in-law-to-be made a FABulous dinner on Christmas Eve at our house.  And now we have a big enough dining room for everyone to sit comfortably!  Finn totally understood Santa this year and we left him cookies and milk (and carrots for the reindeer of course).  And seeing his little face in the morning whne he saw that Santa left him what he asked for under the tree brought a  tear to my eye.  It was precious.  And Christmas morning at Greg's mom's house was my favorite yet.  So even though (or maybe because...) I was drugged up and laid out, it was wonderful.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Pretty much the same ones as last year - The Amazing Race, Project Runway, Grey's Anatomy, Top Chef, Modern Family.  Two new shows I love?  Parenthood and The New Normal.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Fifty Shades of Grey.  Just kidding, I'm the one woman in America who hasn't even read it.  And doesn't want to.  I already feel insecure enough about my sex life thank you very much.  I just finished Middlesex.  I didn't LOVE it, but I thought it was so smart and interesting.  I can't remember anything else I read.  I didn't read enough that's for sure.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

Nothing new.  Although I really loved listening to this kids Christmas CD with Finn.  We would dance after dinner every night and he would sing along and it was so adorable.  

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I think the only movie I saw last year was "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."  I LOVED the books.  And I thought the movie was very good.  Mara Roony (or is it Roony Mara?) is the perfect Lisbeth.  Now thatI think about it, did that movie come out in 2012 or 2011?  Oh Lord.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 39, which means this year is the big 4-0.  I had dinner with some friends at one of my favorite restaurants.  It was a warm night and we ate out on the patio.  We had a couple cocktails, ate seafood and laughed and laughed.  It was great.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being pain free.  Having another baby.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
In two words: Yoga pants.  

26. What kept you sane?
my friends

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

I'm not eloquent enough to accurately put into words the lesson I take away from 2012, but I'll try....

Life is hard.  Seriously, it just is.  And even when it's not particularly hard, it's still not EASY.  I pretty much have spent the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013 laying around, recovering from my surgery and it's given me lots of time to think.  And as the end of the year approached, I started thinking about how 2012 was a rough one.  For me and for many of my friends and family.  We lost our house, found out that we will never get pregnant again, I had 2 wasn't the worst year of my life, but it had its challenges.  And the truth is, life feels like a challenge a lot of the time. And I don't think its going to get any easier.  Its possible its just going to get harder.   Am I the only one who feels this way?

But here's the lesson.  Good people, friends and family, are what make life worth living.  And I am lucky to have MANY good people in my life.  People who help me through the rough times.  People who are there to celebrate the good times.  And the good people in my life have taught me how to be a better person and a better friend.

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